Husband's Testosterone is too high after TRT and wife cannot handle it

One of my readers writes, "I am 62 and my husband of 35 years is 63. He has be on testosterone therapy since 2011. I think it was around 197 when he started. Today, it was 1099. It has been as high as 1397. I don't like the person that he has become. He has thoughts about doing things that he never expressed, even in his 30s. He is always suggesting things that he thinks will improve my libido, which I admit is not what it used to be. I resent him putting this emphasis on sex this late in our marriage. We have two grandchildren whom he shows no interest in. His doctor suggested today that he reduce his Androgel to get down to 600-800. I think 450 to 500 would be more in line with his age. It is a constant source of stress for me. He is definitely a "dirty old man" and a turn-off to me. Maybe he SHOULD get a younger babe! How do I handle this situation without pushing him to do just that."

The problem that you are experiencing is very common these days when men are able to go on Testosterone replacement therapy but there really is no equivalent treatment option for women.

The only good news is that your husband loves and as high as his sex drive is, he wants to satisfy it with you and not some younger babe.  Obviously, I am not his doctor to comment on how much medication is appropriate, but this issue has brought you two to a turning point in your marriage.  The question that you have to ask is if you wish to be with a man who is taking Testosterone to maintain his youth and doing whatever it takes to keep his libido high.



You have several options.  If you feel that you would rater live peacefully in retirement and do things that grandmas do rather than dress up in sexy lingerie so that you can make passionate love several nights a week, then, it is fine to just separate from him (there is no need for even a divorce, if that is not something that you want or makes no sense for other legal reasons).

On the other hand, the second option would be to try to change your attitude.  Being 62 is not old any more.  I hear from women who are older than you and still sexually active.  Yes, sex is a bit uncomfortable (it is so even for my wife at 50 who often mentions lack of desire and vaginal dryness) but it is what keep the marriage strong and is a great way to relax.  If you have been able to be with this man for 35 years, I am sure that if you two talk about it in a collaborative manner, you can figure out a way to still have frequent sex and explore new ways of pleasing each other.

And you mention the part about the younger babe.  I know it happens because it is the easy solution without having to change anything, but I would not recommend it. It will not please you to know that he is with other women.